Recipes Information

Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting


I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents.

At my first job after high school, I had the misfortune of working for someone who told me that I could have it all but with no questions asked. He said so clearly that there were women who slept their way up and I could do the same. He then started to hold me tightly and was already groping all over. I was too stunned to move in the beginning but I did try to push him away. Luckily for me, a security guard walked into the office.

Some guardian angels must be looking out for me. On both incidents, I could have been a statistic. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone but I made a promise to myself that if I should ever climb the corporate ladder, I would do it with my brains.

Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the extra money to put me through four years of university. I worked as a tutor to three kids throughout my tertiary years and with a scholarship loan, I managed to finish my degree in journalism with a second class upper.

I took on the first job that came my way: as a seminar organizer. Again the same old pattern emerged. For six months my boss didn't contribute to my retirement account. I was not aware that it was unlawful. Then she made me answer calls from all the speakers I had invited to give seminars for payments due to them. She had purposely delayed paying them for reasons only known to her. I couldn't see a good future with her, so I quit.

Many of my course mates had joined the newspaper and there was an opening for a cub reporter. I got in and was learning the ropes pretty well at the news desk. Six months later, I was transferred to the features desk.

It was all rosy in the first year and because I was getting familiarized with the work and all, I gladly took on anything that came my way. Not such a smart move really. Whenever my editor asked for a volunteer for some uninteresting articles, no one would do it. And because I had set the pattern for being the obliging one, or rather the one who couldn't say 'no' most of the time, I had to do the assignments. I had never asked for extension of deadlines and I was also the "secretary" who took phone messages for the others. When the time came for assessment and salary increments, I was not the favoured staff. After two agonizing weeks, I finally plucked up enough courage to speak to my editor about it. She merely said: "I was happy with your work. All I did was to recommend (the increments) but really, it was up to the management to decide!"

Would you stay on with a leader who wouldn't stick up for you? I asked for a transfer to the business desk where its editor was a known task master but fair and just.

Six years later, I found myself in a greater challenge. My five-year old daughter was a victim of a class bully at her kindergarten. From the many books on bullying that I read about, I had gathered that so long as the victims were not coached to be assertive and helped to build their self-esteem, the chances of them remaining victims continued into adulthood.

Since then, I have been trying to help my daughter increase her self-esteem. One of the many ways I learnt is to teach a child to love herself. Well, we are still working on her remembering to say: "I love you Mummy. And I love myself too."

I knew repeating this mantra would only help for awhile. One evening driving through a heavy traffic I made up a story to entertain my kids. It was about a six-year old girl named Lulu who would do anything for her friends because she wanted to be liked by them. Lulu didn't like herself much because she didn't think her kind-heartedness amounted much. "Now, if you were Lulu, do you suppose your friends would like you if you didn't like yourself in the first place?" I asked my children.

I was surprised even my two and half year old boy simultaneously replied no with his sister.

The story continued with Lulu being asked to pick some fruits from a tree by her friends. As she was climbing up the tree, fiery red ants bit her all over. But because she feared rejection from the others if she quit, she carried on. When she started to yank a bunch of fruits from a branch, she inadvertently dropped a beehive onto the ground.

The story ended with Lulu being hospitalized for bee stings but she learnt an unforgettable lesson about self-love and being assertive.

Now whenever my daughter needs a reminder about self-love, all I need to mention is Lulu.

Pat is a freelance journalist and a mother of two lovely kids. She enjoys writing and sharing her experience of being a mother. You can read more of her writings at KlinikOng.com


MORE RESOURCES:
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news


ABC

Strawberry Lemonade Cake
ABC
... tablespoons of confectioners' sugar, stirring to combine. Top cake with strawberry mixture and dust with remaining confectioners' sugars. Slice and serve! Tip: Get creative! Substitute your favorite fresh fruit and favorite flavored curd to give ...



NOLA.com

10 fresh, easy recipes for Creole tomato season
NOLA.com
This recipe from "Everyday Vegetarian" (2017 Oxmoor House) by the editors of "Cooking Light," calls for a quinoa crust, but you can make it with your favorite crust recipe. It makes a quick, easy week-night dinner or Sunday brunch dish. Find the recipe ...



Reader's Digest

The 15 Best Weight-Loss Recipes You Can Make in 30 Minutes or Less
Reader's Digest
Thats' where this fresh-tasting weight-loss recipe for Thai steak salad by celebrity Food Network chef Ellie Krieger comes in. It's brightly flavored with lime juice, ginger, basil, and cilantro, and once the meat is marinated, it comes together in ...

and more »


Bon Appetit

A Juneteenth Dinner Party That Celebrates the Recipes of Freda DeKnight and Edna Lewis
Bon Appetit
Los Angeles–based photographer Oriana Koren got an unexpected box in the mail. Inside, a friend had sent a copy of Freda DeKnight's seminal 1948 cookbook, A Date with a Dish: A Cook Book of American Negro Recipes. Inspired by DeKnight's story (read ...



Fort Wayne Journal Gazette

Grain salad recipes
Fort Wayne Journal Gazette
Brown Rice Salad with Carrots, Scallions and Baked Tofu. Because you want the rice at room temperature to make the salad, it's a good idea to cook it in advance. To use leftover grains, substitute 21/2 cups in place of the 2/3 cup listed here. The rice ...

and more »


Outside Magazine

5 Legit Breakfast Recipes for Camp
Outside Magazine
You don't need to be a pro to pull off a fantastic camp breakfast. You will need, however, a cast-iron skillet or Dutch oven and a bit of time. To help you in this worthwhile endeavor, we tapped Fischer and some other chefs for their favorite recipes ...



WTOP

Seasonal produce to make your summer recipes shine
WTOP
(NEW YORK) — Summer is upon us, which means it's time to hit your local farmers market for the freshest seasonal ingredients. seasonal food not only tastes amazing, but it helps build a sustainable food system, supports local farmers and enhances ...



Gadget Hacks

Catalog & Save Recipes from Any Site to Your Smartphone
Gadget Hacks
I haven't yet found a recipe that Prepear has trouble cataloging, but sticking to common sites like Allrecipes and Food Network won't hurt if you're worried about everything being logged correctly. Once you're on the page for the recipe, tap the green ...



ABC

Jerk Chicken Skewers
ABC
In a bowl of a food processor fitted with a blade attachment, add the scallions, scotch bonnet peppers, garlic cloves, ginger, thyme leaves, cinnamon, allspice, brown sugar, lime zest and juice, apple cider vinegar, soy sauce, and salt and pepper to taste.



Bon Appetit

A Veggie Burger Recipe That Doesn't Have 15 Ingredients for Once
Bon Appetit
It takes a lot to get vegetables to come together into burger form and stay there. A whole lot, in fact. That is why so many veggie burger recipes require eggs, gluten, prodigious amounts of starches, and chilling or freezing before they have a chance ...


Google News

home | site map
© 2006