Children are People, Not Machines
When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay attention to the details." That saying became very real to me in the area of parenting. While raising children, the details make great differences in development.
Being that children are people and not machines, the kind of detailing needed is different. Focusing on the externals of name brand clothing, perfect hair and having the most extensive collection of expensive toys are not the kind of attention needed. Such efforts will result in the child feeling rejected and learning to substitute material objects and appearances for love.
Children need the attention of their parents. The areas of their lives and abilities given attention will develop most. If the majority of parental attention is given to not standing correctly or not finishing tasks, these areas will develop further. In situations where habitual fault-finding occurs, the child eventually takes all that criticism inside and turns it on themselves. Such methods often lead to unmotivated children with low-self-esteem.
Many adult parents still carry emotional scars from harsh fault-finding from parents. A good common sense rule is, "If you would not let anyone talk to you like you talk to your child, you need to make some changes." Sadly, many children suffer in quiet desperation as victims of harsh treatment, that the parent justifies by telling themselves "it's for their own good," or "I only do it because I love them so much." Such displays are not experienced by the children as "love."
Children need attention given to the details of their lives. The attention they need the most is from their parents. They need encouragement in specific and tangible terms. Statements like, "It puts a smile in my heart, when you show teamwork by playing nicely with your brother" make a child beam. Find them doing good things and bring that to their attention. Identify the specific talent, how it is used and your reaction to it. Train their young minds to search for their talents with the same kind of attention to detail that may have previous been devoted to fault-finding. It also helps to identify internal or character qualities to praise rather than external appearances.
By developing these qualities, the child will always carry those qualities with them, regardless of age. Children do want to please their parents. The challenge many children face is that they often do not know what does please their parents.
Focusing on the details when children do good is important. Such an approach is detailed enough for children to understand what they did good and how it made you feel. Parents often devote too much detail to fault-finding. When the attention to detail is directed to finding good, it results in motivated children with strong self-esteems. If the devil is in the details, perhaps the saints are also.
About The Author
Jeffrey D. Murrah is The Results-Oriented Therapist specializing in marriage and family conflicts. Visit www.RestoreTheFamily.com to sign up for his free newsletter.
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news
Pokemon Quest Recipes and Cooking Guide - Pokemon Quest Recipe Ingredients Farming, Stew Recipes - USgamer
Sibling Rivalry: The Magic Trick That Stops It Instantly
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining that, "He got a bigger piece of pie," or "She got to stay up an hour later last night."When sibling rivalry rears its ugly head, what do you do?Try to reason with the kids? Scream, threaten or punish them? Ignore it and run for cover?None of these methods is very effective for very long.
SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it SMUT - Selling Made Under Titillation.It seems that more and more corporations are chasing the dollar to the demise of the family.
THE NEW SCHOOL VISIT: 5 Things to Look For
Today the little red school house is not what it use to be, and along with changes in how our schools are funded, how they are governed, how teachers teach and how children learn, it's no surprise that many large urban school districts and smaller rural ones are undergoing major modifications. Parents are bombarded with advice from every media venue telling them to look at private education, consider a religious environment, and reminding them that "choice" or charter schools are the way to go.
Elephants and Teenagers
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa recently.The adult elephants were taken away and the orphaned youngsters were left to fend for themselves.
Parenting Your Teenager: 3 More Dangerous Myths
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you would have liked up until now, it's too late to try anything different.REALITY: This is one of those seductive little lies that sounds so close to the truth.
Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?
Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year, our nation spent over $382 Billion on education. Over 99% was spent on developing "learning environments" - buildings, books, science labs, teachers, sports programs, etc.
Top 50 Mom Quotations
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me.
New Mom...New Baby...New Debt?
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along with your expanding waistline comes the ever growing list of products for you and your new bundle of joy.
Relate With Your Teen And Gain Their Trust
We were all teens at one time for some many years ago even if we don't like to admit it. Many of us can look back and say our teen years were good, but with many ups and downs as we approached adulthood.
Water! Water Everywhere!
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I bet your favorite memories as a child involved getting wet, running through sprinklers on a sweltering afternoon, water fights in the backyard, wading at the beach, playing on the slip & slide, and skipping rocks across the river.
Parents: You Can Do Something About Professional Sports Ethics
Most of us can agree that there is a lack of ethics standards within professional sports today. The fact that many of today's sports heroes are ethical is a stroke of luck.
Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Adolescents
The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment, withdrawal, and isolation. These children begin to develop an intense anger directed towards an adult society that they feel has hurt them and does not understand them.
Now, They're Bullying My Daughter in Our Home: Welcome to Cyber-bullying
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room to see her dad and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'.
5 Ways To Help Your Kids Do Math
Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and it's poor marks from the math department.
What the Matter Is
When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my mother with that phrase. I would ask him, "What's the matter?" and he would answer me, "Well, what the matter is.
Getting Through to Your Teenager
Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that you've made yourself) after you've warned them at least a thousand times? Is there anything more frustrating as a parent?Well, this is somewhat typical in most "normal" households across America. We (parents) screw up, tell our children about it, and what do they do? They go out and repeat the same mistake.
Friendships - Helping Children Develop Friendship Skills
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are able to form friendships when they start school are happier at school and also learn better.More significantly, a positive beginning to friendships has long-term implications for social and indirectly academic success.
Send the Kids Outside!
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of your fondest memories are of outdoor activities and places.
Don't Make Fast and Furious Food Changes
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when you say, my children won't eat healthy foods. If we even say the word, they tune out and already decide they don't like it.
Using Pocket-money To Promote Independence In Kids
In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether it should be earned or only given when children behave well.My belief is that children should receive pocket-money as their small share of the family-wealth just as they should share the workload at home.
|home | site map|